Why should you…
How many times has someone said to you “You should… buy a new car, dye your hair, go to this restaurant, get a better job, buy a bigger house, have more kids… ad infinitum”.
The phrase “You Should…” is one I really really dislike, and one that comes up in regularly in coaching. A client will say “I should do xyz” and when asked “Why should you, what will xyz do for you?” it often comes out that they’re not really clear on the benefit of that thing that they ’should’ do. It’s peer pressure for adults!
When the word should is used, it is almost always is a reflection of someone else’s perception and judgement of what they would do. Like keeping up with the Joneses, a lot things that we do are considered to be normal because of our culture and we follow the trend without considering what is best for us, how that action fits withour values and goals (Habit 2 - Begin with the end in mind), and our core reason for doing that.
A case in point, the other day I was talking to a friend who I work with and she mentioned that she had bought a new laptop. Knowing that she and her partner had at least two other computers less than two years old I was really curious to know why she thought she needed another laptop. Her answer was “Well, you got one recently and then (another co-worker) got hers last week so I thought I should get one too.” Note the ’should’? She’s now committed to three years of paying leasing on that laptop, and she admitted the leasing was costing her nearly $1500 over and above the cash price of the computer because she hadn’t wanted to wait to save for it.
This person didn’t consider the facts: that I had purchased a new laptop to replace my seven year old computer, and in my case it was paid for in cash and is a tax deductible business expense. In the case of the co-worker, hers was also paid for in cash, and is a tax deductible expense! My friend admitted that she hadn’t really needed another computer, she just wanted one when she saw others buying new.
Maybe your ’shoulds’ aren’t as financially detrimental as my friends, maybe your shoulds are as simple as you ’should’ help out at home more, you ’should’ dye your hair (I was told that last week!) or something equally mundane and normal. Before you act on that ’should’, take time to think about it, specifically why should you? What benefit will you get from that action? What will it cost you in time, effort, money or other? Is this action in line with your long term goals and values?
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